Wednesday, October 13, 2010


I didnt realize that looking for a bookkeeper could be so comically complex and strange.

Victoria (my studio manager) and I drive downtown and are running late to our appointment with a highly recommended bookeeper and accountant. We call to confirm and tell them we are running 5 mins late, they say OK. Vikki drops me off (michigan ave) and I rush to the 15th floor. I enter and get promptly escorted to the fake leather couch, FOX news is clicked on the TV to pacify me while I wait. The baseball shaped bowl next to me is filled with chocolate mint candies wrapped with $100,000 screen printed wrappers. Surrounding the TV, which is talking about terrorist and death and good ole FOX news banter, is an array of chatchkes, a Frank Sinatra plastic doll, bears hats, tinsel, teady bears, and other random things strewn about that dont make any sense. I also must add that it smells like musty brown shag carpet.

While I am waiting I notice on the door that not only does this place provide accounting and bookkeeping services, they also do passport photos as I simultaneously notice a Polaroid tab on the couch next to me, I think to myself, "this doesn't make any congruent sense". Soon after, a group of 3 foreign people come in and are greeted by an other office person that looks like a Scooby Doo character. He is square bodied with square glasses, and has 70s style auburn hair that fits like a wavy helmet on his head.

Victoria walks in and looks at me, I look at her back and I shrug my shoulders, she does the same and squeezes next to me as the rest of the couch is crowded with passport picks people waiting their turn. In walk in 2 more immigrant-like folk. We are all crammed in this tiny couch, shag, Sinatra, fox news area. Mr. Scooby Doo pulls out a polaroid contraption attached to a long extension chord which is being pulled across our feet. Scooby Doo lines up his first victim on the wall and stands at our feet shooting polaroids, I look at the first subject and she has her finest hair and makeup job on. Bright pink lips sharply lined with maroon lip liner, a good amount of mascara to accentuate her dark eyes, and big dangly white earrings that pop against her darker complexion.

I finally think to myself or maybe out loud to Vikki (I dont remember) "What the fuck is going on?" Vikki boldly stands up and shuffles past Scooby Doo as he is passing out polaroids and collecting cash, she inquires about our appointment and why we have been sitting in this strange scenario for like 15 minutes (frankly it felt like half and hour).

We are finally informed that the person we made our appointment has not arrived in the office yet and noone knows where the fuck she is and she is not answering her phone.

so alas, we are left with no new bookkeeper, but a hell of a fuckin story!!


Victoria said...

I am speechless, the loving accuracy of the portrait you've painted is moving. All I can add is "yep, that is exactly how it went down."

dougphoto said...

I have a great accountant if you're still looking